Mistakes Disguised as Goodbyes

Hi everyone.

I deleted my last post:
1. Because I was in no state to post ANYTHING at the time that I posted.
2. Because I let my emotions get the best of me.
3. Because I let a form of self-expression, or a way to vent for myself, be posted as truth.
4.I let down poetry.

That last poem was not Good.

There was no absolute Truth and there was no Beauty of any kind in this poem. I hurt this site when I put the thing up. I thought that maybe it would be read as a point of view and not truth. But as a Journalism student who knows that people usually believe what they read, I should have known better. And this is not the readers fault by any means.

To be perfectly honest, I wrote that poem when I was angry and used this blog as a weapon.

And that's wrong.
No matter what happened beforehand, if I was really wronged and completely justified in everything I said (which I wasn't) no one deserves to be attacked in the fashion in which I attacked.

What is even more sad is that I used my words as a dagger. Which as everyone knows, are the sharpest of small swords.


Bottom line. That poem was not the whole story, which on any other occasion, would have been my first priority to tell. It was unfair to the parties involved and for that I am truly sorry.

I feel that what I wrote is not my real feelings. But they seem to be the only feelings I am aware of. But that's only becuase a lack of communication. But instead of just calling and talking to my friends or saying these feelings to thier faces, I took the easy way out and put that thing up.

I acted out of the fear of things never being fixed. I guess I see this as a cry for help for our friendships. People took notice and now that we have hit the absolute bottom of things, we can start to rebuild. I just wish it could have happened another way. But there's no use in that becuase things only happen ONE way.

I'm praying that event though I have done something wrong, something good will come of this.

Reconciliation mostly. And a better line of communication to my friends.

What is happening to us guys?

I can remember when we thought this sort of thing would never happen to us and now here we are on the verge on NEVER talking.

But nonetheless, this one was all me. I did something wrong and now I'm apologizing. And I'm hoping, but certainly not deserving of, a little grace.

I made a mistake but I promise that by the end of this week I will have done everything in my power to not only fix this, but fix the cause of all this.


Regardless of anything that happens.

I love my friends. I would do anything for them. Haha. Even admit that I'm wrong. Which, for me, would definately be a bigger fear for me than taking a bullet for someone anyday.

I know we're not in high school anymore and that things can't be the same as they used to be.

But I still want our friendships to be as strong as they used to be.

We have come through alot of stupid things together. The fact that we came out of high school with our sanity in tact is attributed to the fact that we STUCK TOGETHER.

I have never cared more about a group of people more than I care about you guys. I have shared the happiest moments of my life with you and this poem came out at a time when I saw all of that going away.






and I'm sorry.