Somebody Stop Me

"First Degree"



My eyes open.
(Light)

Instinctively I look to my right hand.
Coated.
In blood.
Some dried.
Some still following the creases of my palm.
The right's
"better"
half still tied behind my back,

exactly how I found it.

My eyes water from the sting of the light
With my free hand I catch the tears.
It is cleansed.
For the most part.

Dry patches of red remain.

The muse is in his corner.
I see him
only because the light
does not shine there.

I notice something in his wrinkled hands.
My thoughts.

He toys with and twists them.
As if they were string.
And my decisions but a game of Cat's Cradle.
It's a one person game.
And with so much string...
How do you lose?

Then.
Pain.

A tremor at first,
spanning the length of my body,
leading to a sustained pervasion,
beginning from my heart,
exiting through my fingertips.
Too much for me to bear,
I crumble.

Remember You.

A tremor at first.
Leading to a sustained pervasion.
Beginning at my heart,
building at my fingertips.

Waiting...

And I wait.

For dark.
For Judgment.

For escape from this cycle.

For death...

Without any question.
this is all I could ever deserve
or ask for.

And my bound hand,
my left,



gives no struggle.



And I wait.

But instead of letting me drift to sleep,
You awaken me.
Instead of choking the air from my lungs,
You breathe into me.
Instead of shutting my eyes...

My eyes open.
(Grace)


(I took a step forward today.
But I was facing the wrong direction.
I am not perfect.
But by Grace I am sincere.)


Good Providence

Kelly Clarkson, 7.20.05 Boutwell Auditorium, Birmingham, AL

For all of you who are wondering why I am
posting all these pictures of Kelly Clarkson,
it;s because I WAS THERE. That's right.
I went to a Kelly Clarkson concert. Laugh all you
want...but I actually had a good...no... great time.
You see, it all started when me and Nick and Phil
wanted to surprise our girlfriends with something we knew they would love...a chance to see Kelly live. SO that's just what we did. 'Cept they figured out the surprise and a few days before and weren't very surprised...haha. Anyway, we went to the concert and both the girls and guys had an awesome time. After seeing her in concert, I have to say that she is very talented. Until you see her in person, you don't really get it. And if you don't then you never will.

I had a great time not only at the concert but also at the zoo and in the car (even when the tire blew) and in the convenience stores (high on Vault), becuase I was with my beautiful girlfriend and my best of friends. I love you guys and will always remember that night.

So enjoy the pics everyone.

To explain...the lips(very freaky in person by the way) were on a big screen behind her while she sang her opener...and the wedding dress...well that's just cool.

Good Providence

Happy Birthday to Wayne's Mom!

Happy Birthday Mom!!!

Hey everyone.

Just bought the new Waking Ashland disc.

They're AMAZING.

Here's a cookie...

"Long Shot"

You made the call
I step outside, cross that line
And I lose control
I've been waiting
It's beautiful to let go, don't you know
You're everything I try to be
The rise and fall to respond to the call
I got butterflies

You're all I have so break me down
Your all I am and nothing else matters

This is a long shot it's all I have
I'm ready to step it up
All I need is your hand
You're all I have

I'm calling out,take me, shape me
I'm finding out,that you are my reason
It's beautiful to let go don't you know
You're everything I try to be
The rise and fall to respond to your call
I sing a new song

This is a long shot, it's all I have
I'm ready to step it up
All I need is your hand
This is a long shot, it's who I am
I'm ready to take off
All I need is a plan

This is a longshot
This is the longest shot
I'm barely moving you keep me breathing

You're all I have, You're all I have
You're all I have, You're all I have

Awesome stuff.

The guy who does the writing in this band is very good. This song is only my favorite of the songs on the CD which is called "Composure". The other tracks are just as amazing.

So...

Go buy Waking Ashland.

Good Providence

What's Happening To Us...The Current State of Things

pain swelling
numb beating
fingers cracking
nuckles bleeding
skin chilling
hairs raising
mind racing
cliche stabbing
reader dying
love crying
ears deafen
heart cracking
culture slitting
sinews twisting
then snapping
beauty aging
never dying
good reshaping
fall becoming
steady walk
human fakers
evil shines
respect delines
eyes fight
sight decides(decieves)
nails bond
hands unwilling
back bends
weight defends
brides kiss
unknown lips
veil darkens
leaves face
enter now
sacred place
toungue swears
(different)

Psalm Too

Hey everybody.

I was about to go to sleep last night when I found this near the head of my bed.

It's another Psalm I had written and had somehow found its away near where I sleep every night...very comforting to know...




Inspire me white paper.
Let my words fall like snow
meddled with soot...
A stain on your earlier innocence.

Wish I had a dime
for all the times I've heard
"Okay"
But could sense the misunderstanding
flowing through.
I might be rich enough to buy
a new smile.
One that won't fade.
(can't buy me love)

Breakthrough's gotten boring lately.
(It kills me to say that.)
Truth betold,
the sun does rise again.
I will smile again.

But the thought of being hurt again?

Am I crazy to pray for a balance?
Or is this as level as I get?

Both hands filled with reason.
(Hope in the right. Doubt in the left.)
My heart overpouring with irrationality.
Hands do all the work.
Heart mocks their effort.

O THIS GAME! THIS GAME WE PLAY!!

So pleasing to the eye.
Confusing to the heart.

Like you.

I remember you like my favorite song.
And the saddest story I've ever heard.

(I'm not done with the book.
Be kind last chapter.)

Remember your tower princess?
My only hope was to make you forget.
I wonder if you ever saw the ground.
(I hit it.)
Epitomy's a strong word.
But this situation is just too much.
And I see stints of growth.
But there's parts of me that
even I can't touch.

(Switch of focus. Nothing new.)

So this is where I turn to You.
My only strength. Knowlegdge of peace.
Reach deep down inside this pit
Give me somethig I can use.

'Cause everything I gave myself
We know I coulda done without.

O Love so unknown! Grace a mystery!

Tell me why I see the day!
Explain why it is I breathe!

Could the color of my eyes
Be modeled after yours?
And the way that I will love my bride
Come close to the gift you've given yours?
Can the hand that holds this very pen
Resemble the One that formed the pearl?
Can the heart that beats inside this chest
Be filled with hope not known by this world?

And Stars!
Burning Stars!
Those that hint at majesty.
How many times will I look up
and fail to ever see,
Your numbers far beyond my count
or comprehension there of
Your purpose other than the idea
of a visual song of love.
(I feel You)

Love. Yes.
Let me know this again.
Couple it with hope and a foundation built on You.
Mature and understanding let me be
affected through and through.

Fix my eyes on the joy before me.
Blind all other sides.
Convince these legs to run again.
With You do I confide.


Good Providence

Tom Cruise is Definately Not a Big Motion City Soundtrack Fan

Hey everyone.

I was listening to the awesomeness that is Motion City Soundtrack the other day and thought this was funny...

"Modern Chemistry"

i believe in medication
and i believe in therapy
and i believe in crystal light
'cause i believe in me
yeah
it's so uplifting
**** yeah

i barely have the motivation
they say i suffer from a lack of seratonin synapses
they happen too
infrequently for me to be functioning properly

i took the pills i took the advice
the panic stopped
but still i'm not right
racing thoughts and wasted time
it's the same old story-line
this is my nursery rhyme and it goes:

i believe in medication
and i believe in therapy
and i believe in crystal light
'cause i believe in me
yeah
it's so uplifting
**** yeah

i'm barely off the medication
and now the walls are closing in again
i can't breathe and i can't bleed
will you be my alibi?
tell them that i truly tried to give in?

Go dance in your underwear to that little tune Maverick.

Good Providence

Another Notebook Scribbling

Hey everyone. Apologies for the absence.

I wrote this in October of last year.

Some will guess what and who it's about.

Others will apply it to themselves and make it their own.



Three Weeks



Hints of Light?
I swear it's okay to open your eyes.

Sound familiar?

I know, I know...

Grow up.
It's all a part of growing up.

Learning to lose entails
losing to learn
and,
I've learned so much.

I'M THIS CLOSE TO SHOWING ALL OF YOU JUST WHAT I'M MADE OF

(try me).......
....
(please don't)

Can't we just be normal for ten minutes?
(Why not?)
I mean it's not like you're gonna die.
(Right?)
Why can't we just stand still?
(Right here.)

I can't wait 'til I'm outta sight.



Feet tired?
Lungs black with smoke
from my fire.
How could I blow it?
(out)

Seven years?
Wars have been shorter.
(You're NOT the crazy one.)

But logic in the barrel of a gun?
(New one on me...you too.)

Sweat on the trigger.
Temple on cue.
Audience in front.
Ashamed. Confused?

SO DO IT...
(What?)

Couldn't.
Could you?

Pull it through you.

Plaster rain.

I swear it's okay to open your eyes.

Two Months Later...

...and I've still got this grin on my face.

Here's to forever:)



Coffee: by Copeland



There's plenty of time left tonight
I promised I'd have you home before daylight

We do the best we can in a small town
Act like big city kids when the sun goes down
If it's not too late for coffee
I'll be at your place in ten
We'll hit that all night diner

And then we'll see...

There's so many things I have to say
I'll stay up all night to hear about your day

We do the best we can in a small town
Act like kids in love when the sun goes down
If it's not too late for coffeeI'll be at your place in ten
We'll hit that all night diner

And then we'll see...

There's a love that transcends
All that we've known of ourselves
And I'll wait for it to come
I'll wait for it to come
Well...
it's got to be strong to touch my heart

Through its shell

And I'll wait for it to come
I'll wait for it to come...

If it's not too late for coffee
I'll be at your place in ten
We'll hit that all night diner
And then we'll see

There's a love that transcends
All that we've known of ourselves
And I'll wait for it to come
I'll wait for it to come
Well...
it's got to be strong to touch my heart

Through its shell

And I'll wait for it to come...

I'll wait for it to come down


Mwah...and Hi.

See you at lunch.

A Black Eye and A Huge Smile to Match

Does God's grace and infinate love ever just come out of nowhere and punch you right in the face?

Happens to me all the time.
(and not enough)

Driving around on the golf course at like 5:30 this morning, the sky was this beautiful shade of red and the sun was just beginning to show signs of the new day...and I was tearing up as grace ripped through my heart.

For some reason this morning at work I decided to listen to all of my worship albums I have on my mp3 player. Two songs really got to me: The Church by Derek Webb and Since I Am So Sick by 100 Portraits and Waterdeep.

You see, the guys that I'm working with aren't at all concerned with God or anything pertaining to Him. For instance I chose not to work on Sunday because it's the Sabbath and when I got to work on Monday one of the guys was like "Nice lie to get out of work yesterday. You know you weren't at church." Funny thing is I couldn't convince him that I was...

So I have a very hard time at work being the Christian that I am. I'm starting to reminesce about being at Dale County High and how much I hated the fact that I couldn't be comfortable with my faith and how much Providence and the whole private Christian school thing has kind of hurt me and made me soft in dealing with staying fast with my faith no matter what I am surrounded by.

Anyway, those songs really touched me this morning.

The Lord is good and He always comes through when you're least expecting the whirlwind that is His love.

Here's the lyrics to Since I Am So Sick...


Since I am so sick
Since I am in need
Since I have no healing within me

Oh, my God, be mindful of me
You are my help and my Redeemer
Oh, my God, be mindful of me
You are my help and my Redeemer

Unto You, oh Lord
I lift up my soul
In Your loving-kindness I believe

Surely those who wait on You
Will never be ashamed
All of those who call on You
Will know the faithfulness of Your name

Beautiful song.

The "wait on you part" is key. Because it is our faith and our patience with our belief and the way God moves that directly affects whether or not we are going to be strong and let nothing compromise our faith or whether we are going to cower and let people tell us we are lame and uncool...which the same guy who said that stuff before has basicly told me..."Man you're too up tight." So... I will wait...and not be ashamed of the God who not only continues to fill my lungs with air but also the guy who rides in the cart with me who is defaming His name. See?

None of us deserve it.

But He's just cool like that.

Good Providence

P.S. Say the Lord's Prayer today. It's beautiful.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Check it Out!

Hey everybody!

Um...I was like digging around in like my like old notebook that I started like writing in a few years ago an um...like I found this...

The Forecast in My Room


I've long awaited winter's cold.
Since the last time I took off my sweater.
(warmth shed for heat)

Now,

It's back and all it does
Is remind me of all the snow I've missed
elsewhere.

It's been a while since I've tasted snow.
Or smiled like I have with it here.

I'm starting to lose faith in the season(s).

Do they change?

Can I handle it?

How would I know?

My bed has become too comfortable.
This pen like a staple in the bone of my hand....

(It hurts..)

The mirror reflects someone I don't know...
But wow...
he sure looks familiar.

And,
pictures stuck in corners
of my room
think it funny that I'll never be there again.
(like that)

I should've hung them better.

A year and half brings on more change than you'd think...

Especially at this age.
(How would I know.)
Especially.

I'm staring into dark where
There used to be a sense of light.

And,

I don't have to see it...

I just wanna feel it warm my eyes...

I know I'm going to miss this.



Well, that's it.

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