It's Not That He's Too Good For You, It's Just That He's In College Now

Hey everyone.

Long time no read huh?

Anyway here's something you haven't seen before.

I hope.

Now That I've Ripped Out The First Page of a Clean Slate...

So I'm down again.
Back to this.
(and I fear you're all I have left)

TRUSTY BATTLE

My ball-pointed dagger in hand,
I'm a hip assassin with my paper cloak.
I swear to God I'll blend in with the cliche,
Then I'll hack out the tongues of I what I fear
While you look the other way,
Eye for an eye, truth for a truth.

(I thought you knew what I meant when I said...)

The virus is loneliness.
This page is the medicine.
And I'm doing nasty little numbers on isolation.

I'll stop my own heart before an empty room bleeds me out.

But candor aint coming as cheap as it used to.
And they sure don't make hearts out of the stuff that they used to.
(Was it one part bubble gum or two?...)

So it's safe to say that you're looking at this towns new Pharisee.

Aint I the law
with my robes purple and gold?
Praying to God
Digging my hole.

The shock when they'll see what's up under my mask
is as sharp as my knife.

AND I PLANNED IT LIKE THAT...

And while my blade feels fearful throats tremble and shake,
the vibration meets its twin.

My dead grip fueled by frightened eyes,
anchored by cold feet...

The lever balances.

Good Providence

So I Told Myself, "For The Next 79 Miles, I'm Going To Listen To Songs That Make Me Sad."

Today was the day.

Around 6:30 p.m. today, I looked at my room in a way that I have never looked at it before...

As something that wasn't really "mine" anymore.

Now, it was merely something that I would visit every 3 weeks to a month. A less than frequent aquaintance that I would only make if I felt like the drive or if class schedules and this new "college life" would permit me to take the time to see. It wasn't completely bare. But it felt raped.

I've never so reluctantly closed a door in all my life.
(Metaphorically and non-metaphorically.)

The house looked different as I backed out of the yard. I guess the sight of it seemed blurrier or something. Like it was passing by really quickly. Like, as hard as I tried, I couldn't focus my eyes on it's imaginary movement or make it just stop and stand still for a minute in it's familliar place on the property. And this wasn't the worst of it.

I officially got nervous, friday night. Started freaking out about all the stuff that would happen within the next 48 hours or so. You know, reaching maturity and all. Finally getting to that point in your life where you are "fully capable" of fending for yourself. That point that you don't need security in the form of a familiar bed or lightswitch to get by in the world. Survive in the world. Anyway long story short, I didn't let this scare me til I absolutely had to. Now I'm terrified.But anxious at the same time to see if I'm ready...I so don't want to be ready.

Ten minutes later I'm on 231 heading north to Tuscaloosa. Taking Back Sunday is blaring in my car. I'm hoping to get lost in this album. I do. But find myself in the middle of a bunch of, then and at the time, frightening memories.

I'm screaming the words now at the top of my lungs. Identifying with almost every word, or remembering what it was like to identify with some. Nonetheless, it's doing the job of occupying my mind...
"This is what living like this does,
This is what living like this does,
This is what living like this does,
This is what living like this does,
This is what living like this Does."

The final TBS song ends (Head Club if you were wondering) and I realize I'm in Troy. Following this will be Motion City Soundtrack and Brand New's Your Favorite Weapon. MCS makes me smile, but not the way that the first measures of Brand New's The Shower Scene does. That's always been hard to describe.The way that their music makes me feel. It just makes me feel like I'm gonna make it.

The miles begin to just kind of start running into each other and I'm actually forgetting how to read the gauge that tells you how much gas is in your vehicle. I can see it's not at the bottom of anything and that's reassuring...but that's how guessing with familiars goes.

I'm not driving how I normally do. I feel really out of place and like I'm seeing in tunnel vision. (My possessions are surrounding me.) The driver of this new Lexus is growing tired of my indecisiveness and decides to switch lanes so he can hurry off to continue the fast track he's gotten used to. But that wasn't fair anyway. I just found out that I have to start building my own track. I'm just glad he's out from behind me. Jerk had his brights on.

Seventy X 7 comes on and I remember that Wedensday before Junior Prom.(Do you remember Nick?) Sitting outside of Robby's house in the Marquis with the stereo pounding...
"I can't
let you.
let me down again.
I can't
let you.
let me down again."

Shortly thereafter Soco Ameretto Lime starts up. And now I forget where I am.
"Just jealous cause we're young and in love. You're just jealous..."

Then,
Pizza Hut Pizza tastes gOOd.

Happy trails. Memories all over them.

If anything this day has made me want to do anything I can to stay a child and not a man. Funny thing is, I don't evern know the severity of that statement, let alone what the heck it means. I just know that Tuscaloosa might as well be across the country from Dale County Rd. 63.

We enter town. Check in at the hotel. Ughh. Temporary sleep depots. I walk in and feel the fakeness of an imposter home decor. Sleep won't come easy here.

Writing is helping. It always does. Makes me feel less lonely that you all are reading at least some of this. I miss you all by the way.

I'll move my things into 119b Riverside West tomorrow. Thats gonna be my new home. I'm eventually going to put my P.O. Box address on here so you all can send me stuff. Ha. I don't thing you understand how happy it would make me to get mail from you...do you? pLeAse Do noT lIe.

7:30 is coming early.

But doesn't it always?

Doesn't change in general always come early?

"It's never been harder to fall,
There's nothing to grab
and there's all
I want to hold on to.
Just another sweep...
and it'll be fine.
But this carpet's got hills

and I can't see this helping at all."- The Early November

Whatever.

Bring it on life.

God help me.

Sunday, Lazy Sunday

Went to church today...came home...listened to my Zen Micro on shuffle...fell asleep...woke up...went to B's...came home...listened to more music...here's today's mix:

1.Empty Space-Lifehouse
2.To the End- My Chemical Romance
3.Stay Away-Nirvana
4.A Sick Taste-Jimmy Eat World
5.She Takes You-The Chemistry
6.The Last Song-Foo Fighters
7.The Panties- Mos Def
8.Cold-Matchbox Twenty
9.The World You Love- Jimmy Eat World
10.Anything Else But the Truth-The Honorary Title
11.Place For My Head-Linkin Park
12.There's No Solution-Sum 41
13.Choose the One Who Loves You More-Copeland
14.Wake Up Call-Hawthorne Heights
15.Mary Without Sound-Motion City Soundtrack
16.Soul-Matchbox Twenty
17.The Note From Which a Chord Is Built-Emery
18.Jones-The Chemistry
19.Inside Out-Yellowcard
20.This Is Your Life-Switchfoot
21.Stardust-Harry Connick Jr.
22.The Sharp Hint of New Tears-Dashboard Confessional
23.Posters-Jack Johnson
24.Cling and Clatter-Lifehouse
25.Don't Call It a Comeback-Motion City Soundtrack
26.Days Go By-Lifehouse
27.Cure For the Itch-Linkin Park
28.Float On-Modest Mouse
29.If Thou Hast Drawn-Christ Community College
30.End Over End-Foo Fighters
31.Here's Your Letter-blink182
32.Halcyon Daze-Hidden In Plain View
33.Breakaway-Kelly Clarkson
34.Seven Years-Norah Jones
35.Nobody Puts Baby In the Corner-Fall Out Boy
36.Only One-Lifehouse
37.21 and Invincible-Something Corporate
38.Behind These Hazel Eyes-Kelly Clarkson
39.So I Finally Decided To Give Myself a Reason-I Can Make A Mess Like Nobody's Business
40.You Might Die Trying-Dave Matthews Band
41.World Upon Your Shoulders-Silverchair
42.Smashed Into Pieces-Silverstein
43.The Greatest View-Silverchair
44.Bleed For You-Hidden In Plain View
45.In Memory-Hidden In Plain View
46.On the Mend-Foo Fighters
47.Hold Nothing Back-Copeland
48.Hurricane-Something Corporate
49.The Church-Derek Webb
50.Great Romances of the 20th Century-Taking Back Sunday
51.Moshi Moshi-Brand New
52.Leave It At That-Don't Die Cindy
53.Unclothed and Honest-Don't Die Cindy
54.How Found You Could Be-Don't Die Cindy

I know what you're thinking.So what?So maybe 50-54 weren't that random...maybe I just wanted to hear those to end the day with...sheesh.

Oh yeah...all complaints about song number 7 please direct to Mos Def and not me. I can't contol what sounds awesome.

Ah Forget It

If I woulda known this stupid napkin thing was gonna cause all this trouble I would have never done it.

You people spoil everything.




Cept for you baby...mwah.

Ever Get Awesome Songs Stuck In Your Head?

I did...

So I got it out...on a napkin.

See if you can guess which song it is.

I'll give you props in your OWN POST ALL ABOUT YOU to the first comment who guesses the song's correct title and group name.






haha. loook at those pears. they're so emo...
GO!!!

Brand New Rocks My Socks And I'm About To Hyperventillate Waiing For Their New Record

Hey everyone.

This is one of my favorite Brand New songs.

It reads more like a poem...so read it like one.

"Play Crack The Sky"
We sent out the S.O.S. call.
It was a quarter past four, in the morning
When the storm broke our second anchor line.

Four months at sea.
Four months of calm seas only
To be pounded in the shallows off the tip of Montauk Point.

They call them rogues.
They travel fast and alone.
One hundred foot faces of God's good ocean gone wrong.

What they call love is a risk,
Cause you will always get hit
Out of nowhere by some wave

And end up on your own.

The hole in the hull defied the crew’s attempts,
To bail us out.

And flooded the engines and radio,
And half buried bow.

Your tongue is a rudder.
It steers the whole ship.
Sends your words past your lips
Or keeps them safe behind your teeth.
But the wrong words will strand you.
Come off course while you sleep.
Sweep your boat out to sea
Or dashed to bits on the reef.

The vessel groans
The ocean pressures its frame.
To the port I see the lighthouse
Through the sleet and the rain.
And I wish for one more day to give my Love
and repay debts.

But the morning finds our bodies washed up thirty miles west.

They say that the captain stays fast with the ship,
Through still and storm,
But this ain't the Dakota,
And the water is cold,

We won't have to fight for long.
(This is the end.)

This story's old but it goes on and on until we disappear,
(This is the calm.)

Calm me and let me taste the salt you breathed while you were underneath,
(We are the mountains.)

I am the one who haunts your dreams of mountains sunk below the sea,
(After the storm.)
I spoke the words but never gave a thought of what they all could mean,
(Rest in the sea.)

I know that this is what you want,
A funeral keeps both of us apart.
(Washed up on the beach.)

You know that you are not alone
I need you like water in my lungs.
(This is the end.)

See? Couldn't find a chorus or a verse huh? Amazing...I know.
Tell me what you think and I'll appreciate you alot.

Good Providence

Re-Wired 8.06.05

Hey everyone.

Went to Re-Wired tonight and saw two really awesome bands

1.Don't Die Cindy (the thrill will never die)
2.Sherwood (new comers that kinda blew my mind)

They were very very good and if you haven't seen them do yourself a favor and check them out.

Shout outs to Michael and Chris. It was awesome to see you guys again. Good Providence this school year and like I said if G tries to skim the Iliad and Odyssey again...I'll be on the nexty GMC Jimmy back to Dothan...You guys are great friends and you can bet on me checking in on how my drama dept. is doing...love you all.

Brianna is out of town and I am missing her tons ...Tomorrow can't come sooner.

Good Providence

P.s. Poem...hopefully coming soon.

I Said, Alright Alright Alright...

Happy three months baby...

Leave It At That: by Don't Die Cindy

as i awake,

i wake into the brightest of reality sun,
i chased it back,

the morning brings goodbye and it was already gone...
twas black and white,
a feast
and then the dance was something beautiful,
under the lights,
the morning brings the pain of what's impossible...

i dreamt you married me,
i kissed you
and began our own eternity,

i dreamt you married me,
yeah and then i woke up in reality,
and it was just a dream,
i know that forever is too much to ask,

it was the best dream i've ever had,
and i will leave it at that...

To Trying Hard...

Where Were You When I Was...

Hey everyone.

Awesome show tonight at Re-Wired.
Sucks for you if you missed it.

Among the bands there were Don't Die Cindy (they were freakin' amazing) and Carolina (freakin' amazing too...)
Oh yeah...my man Chris Scott let me know that SOCRATIC IS GOING TO BE AT REWIRED ON SATURDAY WITH DON'T DIE CINDY AND others....CONFETTI!!!!

ALSO....drumroll....

WAKING ASHLAND!!!!!
will be at REWIRED on the 3rd of September...

you can but your sweet butt that this guy is gonna be coming home from Tuscaloosa for that show....

and....

I just bought Emery's new disc "The Question"

haven't really listened to it all the way through...first track is a killer though...

Good Providence

Ticker Tape Masquerade

Tonight.
As the sky grew darker...
I followed suit.
(and black tie)

Mission before me...
I caught my innocence not looking
and shoved a knife through it's back.

The carnage that ensued
made my stomach turn.
I fought throwing up
(i'm just a kid)
and it probably would have won.
It's just...

I'm used to choking down that flavor.
(This can't be healthy.)

My fingernails,
crusted with blood
underneath.
Where soap and water can't reach.
So metal must go
to scrape,
to tear away,
so the memory of possessed hands
won't stay.

(I will always fail.)
(Fail to remember You.)
(Will You always...)

So this is forgive and forget.

Wearing the uniform of a soldier,
I recite the rules of engagement
as if they were written on my victims'
hearts.

While I dream up bullets
flying past me engraved with
civilian names.

While it's their innocence that'll
pierce my skin
as they die
in their rubbled homes.

...

Adorned with a Purple Heart.
(took some for the team)
Marching in parades.
(impressive liar)
Hiding behind a flag that I salute with crossed fingers.
(One Nation under...)

A flag that will embrace my coffin...
(Swing lower sweet chariot)




Will we die with a smile?
Will we go in our sleep?
Dreaming dreams of the faces we've seen...

'O the faces we've seen...

At peace.
Deliberate.
Not a deterrence in sight.
Breathing their last breath
while knowing,

It's their first.

and knowing their names will be forgotten.

Murder on the front page:

"Hero Returns from War"

So with knees red with pressure
from wooden foundations
and a shirt stained with blood
and now tears...

As time races by us
while regret chokes our prayers...

Can we die with a smile?
Can we die with a smile?
Can we die with a smile?
Can we die with a smile?
Can we die with a smile?
Can we die with a smile?
Can we die with a smile?