Wayne Is a Big Fat Jerk: VOL 2 Mix Tape...

Hey everyone...

Today was awesome...

Went to school to hang out in the gym with my "Fiddler Fam". Read my poem to a bunch of people who said they liked it. Heard our choir do two awesome songs...

(Lauren H....you are my new favorite band)

and saw some interpretive dancing... Happy Hands!

Oh yeah...


performed Tradition for the last time...

now I'm crying.


To my beautiful "Fiddler Fam": you have taught me so much over the past 4 months. I love each and every one of you and will miss you tons when I leave for T-Town in the Fall. (You guys better come and find me to say goodbye.) You guys will keep me coming back to Dothan to support you guys' every play. I can't wait for the next "party-boying"....tear. I've already given out the thanks yous but feel like I could do so much more...A book wouldn't be able to describe how much I have enjoyed our adventure together. Even though I was the oldest in the play (well, besides Mr. Wilson, and the orchestra) you guys were the ones who had the big influence on me. As I have said, you reminded me what real Christian community was. What it looked like...haha...what it sounded like. (Obviously, it's very loud...good loud though) You guys taught me, when I should have been attempteing to give you bits of advice along the way. I offered nothing, and you gave me your smiles, laughter, insults(becca), friendship, and hearts....I am FOREVER in debt to you all. If the Lord should bless me in taking me somewhere with the acting thing, you will always be my acting home. If I'm headed to NYC in 5 years...you're going with me.

To Mr. Wilson:

I don't exactly know how to say it...but you're the man. Seriously. Over the past months, you have been nothing short of a brother to me...when I really need a brother. Like I have said, when Brad left, I kinda lost control for a while, and you and your crazy musical centered me again. I love you and pray you are blessed in your bringing the Message to the people of Japan. And I'm glad you didnt throw teaching out the window after that bad public school experience. Your time here will not be forgotten by any of us...especially me.

To Mrs. Brolund:

Simply put: You believed in me. Made me believe in me. That in and of itself is a very hard thing to thing to accomplish because I never take myself seriously and don't expect anyone else to. Thanks you for exceeding my expectations and planting the seed of a dream. I dedcated the show to you and multiply that ten fold now. I love you. Just don't be sad it's all over. It's just getting started, and you get to see it all happen.





I'm taking this time to explain why I'm not coming to the baby shower/party.


Everyone, I would like nothing else but to be there with you tomorrow, but the choice of venue makes it impossible for me to attend. I could not step foot into that house and put up with the elephant in that room born of recent events caused by my stupid scribblings that I write on this site for you all to read. This elephant is almost a year old now and I refuse to allow him to stick around any longer. I have tried killing his awkward nature with my pencil, but i find his skin to be way too thick. (A pencil sharpener's worst nightmare.) So, I will deny his existence. I won't allow him to breathe the silent yet enraged air he thrives on by stepping into that house and acting like everything is great and that being in that house isn't anything short of a sick joke that I'm playing on myself. If you guys can't understand...neither can I. I just want you to know, had this been anywhere else, I would have arrived early to the party. Now I reamin a no show. I'm truly sorry and will have to see you next week at Macy's.


TO ALLDEN: Allden...I'm sorry. This has nothing, absolutely nothing to do with you. I'm sorry that these things had to happen.


I'll probably be hearing about that for a while... but I have to let everyone know that allden is innocent in this.



It's all my fault and I'm coming to terms with the fact...Even though I'll disagree with it to my grave...





I wanted to go ahead and get this said because I won't be posting again til Sunday night because I'm headed to Lake Martin in lieu of the party. Sorry guys again. Give Mr. and Mrs. Wilson huge hugs for me though...Promise.



Update on Don't be fooled (poem for contest)... I have gone ahead and posted the whole thing on yesterday's post so instead of only having Part 1 it has the whole poem. So go back to the part 1 post and read it all. It's pretty long and I decided that installments would confuse every body soo...yeah. I did you all a favor.

Easy reading for ya...Maybe.




9 days til I'm sailing to Cozumel...hope I can stay out of trouble til then...

God help me.


(us)

Good Providence

Don't Be Fooled By Untorn Flesh...I Think I've Got Internal Bleeding (FULL VERSION!)

Hey everyone... I decided to finally put up the poem I entered for arts day. Hope you like!
Oh yeah, and I'll be reading it on arts day during both assemblies so stop by if you want the full effect. I wrote it as a monologue so, it'll help you see things a little clearer when you hear me read it....anywho, here it is...


Don’t Be Fooled By Untorn Flesh...I Think I’ve Got Internal Bleeding



A few years ago...
Word got around about a war.
A battle between oppressed and oppressor.
...and who would set ‘em free.

Then...
Word became reality.
(Like a lie can come to life)

metal became our friend,
and we...


Started choosing sides.


Back then,
You know, everyone always said that my brother was just like me?
People said we looked alike and
(To be perfectly honest)
We both hated that.

Our conversations almost always ended with painful laughter;
something I would remember probably forever afterwards.

We hated what we thought we saw and destroyed it with ease.
We took away your fondest smile and hung around to make it bleed.

and yet...
the things we took, he always kept,
wore ‘em around his neck.
I never understood this lust,
But, hung around nonetheless.


Nonetheless...


It’s safe to say that I was the one with the weak and sympathetic heart.
Every time I took a life, I felt the end of mine restart...

And stop.

And linger there.

(I didn’t have much time.)

...


You really should have seen the look on William’s face,
when he heard about the ideals that the rebels did display.
He smiled the strongest smile that I had ever seen.
"We’re going to war brother! You’re gonna follow me!"
And even though he had the brainless cadence of my each and
every faithful step...



Was he following the barrel to his front?
Could he see the flag in lead?
Was I mocking the steps of one
with a heart too blind to see,
that the only one who actually knew,
where this army of ours was headed,
was the one that we were fighting?
The one who led the side who to...
whom we were denying our indebtment?


March...
marching...

(A fake and mistaken sense of order)

If we thought our costumes made us uniform...
(We bleached our shirts that once had held their colors.)
It’s safe to say, we’ll lose our borders.

The steady beat of misled feet had begun to numb my ears.
It erases memories.
Eradicates "just" fear.
It blurred my eyes and made my vision resemble a clouded battlefield.
(The cannon’s smokey innocence doesn’t help...)




Dead men walking...

growing weary, we ate at separate times.
Because our army’s rations were low,
We ate what we could find.


LOOK UP!!!!!!!!!


It was then the gunshots started.

Aware,
without concern,
our regiment continued marching.

I looked around and saw the content and complacent
Looks upon my comrades’ faces...
Then felt the terror on my own.

The tree lines to our sides were thick,
I could hide...
Survive...
Wait for the next wave...


Then,

two?

No.

Maybe three? Hundred yards ahead of us a bunker of piled earth next to a welcoming hole came into sight.
(Depth perception never was my strong point.)

William grabbed me by the sleeve,
and we dove into the dirt,
(eluding what we deserved)
as the bullets dug away at the loud and shrieking earth.

The others all around me then began returning fire.
William in the front. Me cowering beside.

You know, to this day I can’t say why I couldn’t steady the gun?

I’d killed before.
I’d aimed and pulled.
I’d taught bullets to fly;
and gracefully closed the eyes of men who had just died.

But this...

This just felt like a bad decision with far worse consequences.
But finally,
I found the strength (and the knees) to pour the powder.
The ramrod trembled slightly, the battle growing louder.
One by one I saw the soldiers of both sides fall;
and fall with eyes aimed upward...


Across from us they smiled.


And us...
Well, we looked as if we couldn’t believe what was going on...
Death?
and now?
"But what about my sons?"

The bullet packed safely inside its prison from which I would help it to escape,
I rose and turned to fire and met William’s frantic gaze.
I’d never seen the amount of fear before that William held within his eyes.
His bleached shirt was slowly turning red.
And from his chest blood fled and mixed with tears from my own eyes.



Forgetting my own trigger...

My hands left the barrel...
and found William’s wound.

Applying pressure...


I started shouting gibberish and telling him hopeful lies.
"You’re going to be just fine...you’re way too young to die.
You’re a victim of circumstance who had no clue about what
people meant when they said ‘right’."

His chest rose and fell as did the ocean’s waves that broke the shore near our old house...

(we should have listened harder)


I reminded him of home and...
I could see this in his eyes...
He just wanted to go back there, but knew it wouldn’t satisfy.


And in the midst of William’s struggle,
I had missed the battle dying down.
Our regiment lost all it’s men.


It was me and William now.

(again)

And then I heard the unfamiliar shouts of three whose side had won.
They were nudging our dead with the bayonets atop their guns.
They slowly made their way through the unchanging familiar sea of death...

As William and I hung from William’s every breath.


Caught red handed...



They jumped over the placid shells of our former fellow soldiers.
And when they got to William’s feet,
My hope began to smolder.



Seeing this as the point where I get off,
William saw it as no return,
and as raised my hands in trepidation,
William’s eyes began to burn.
Sitting up as though death’s fingers
were letting my brother slip away,
he felt for his rifle,
and when he found it put the enemy at bay.
His finger clutching the trigger
tighter than he was holding life,
He exhaled, paused and came the

"Click"

of a vacant barrel’s pretense might.

And with less hesitation than
the blaming tongues of wounded hearts,
their bayonets punctured William’s side.

"Thence did his soul depart."

And as my fingertips slowly left the lids of William’s eyes,
the rain began to pour
and clouds took the throne room of the sky.


Learning from mistakes disguised as bravery...


I once again began to lift my hands.
The water collected in my palm’s dirtied creases,
and spilled over to my head.
It cleansed all the soot from mortars from my dented brow.
And when that solution met my eyes,
I had to fight the pain in looking down.

Then I felt my uninjured body being dragged up from the ground.
The three pulled me back to their camp
and near a table sat me down.
And at the table sat the rest of all my enemy’s men.
They fought together.
Died together.
And together, they broke bread.

And afterwards my captors silenced my stomach...
with some scraps that they had set aside.
Even though my hunger begged for me to quickly eat,
I ripped the tears and found nourishment in small bites.

And then my strange providers came to me...
and in patience one of them said:


"Now that you are fed...
You can die the traitors death...
Or serve with us, then be set free..."


comments...of course they are appreciated! I love you guys!

To Life!

Good providence.

Throwing Pebbles In a Bottle Cap From Thirty Yards Out.... Enough Bricks To Build a House

In my quest to sound deep, I often drown in the reality of the situation. My lungs fill with the pain of coming to terms with what's at hand...

In my struggle to come off debonair, I will get lost in the awkwardness of my laugh or the inconsistency of my sentences, instead of her eyes...

In my failure to approach faith face to face, I make promises that I could never keep...and I know this...

In the past, the music was plenty loud and the beat was steady, but I could never dance well enough...or ever will....weak ankles...

In my adventures I can never be pleased with the fact that what's happening could very well never happen to me again. Instead I dwell on how short lived blessings are...

In the bottom of the milk jug, I see a drop in a glass, instead of a morsel of refreshment... I almost always throw the jug in the trash...

In my countless attempts to beome closer to a face I have never seen yet long to see so much to the point that I just know the sight of it will end everything that troubles me...a.k.a. my life... I often hide behind how I cope with being blind.

In my want to know more, I tell others they know nothing...

In my search for a Life-Saver to suck on that will grant me eloquence, I keep getting packs full of the green ones...hate's a strong word but...the green ones...

In the adversity of being suave or cavalier, I grab her hand with the wound on it. My face turns reder than her band-aid... even so, so she bears the pain and won't allow a swap...

In my feeble attempt to look cool, as it were, I will never be able to look at myself in this way, or allow others to do the same...God forbid...

In my lie to myself that I want to appear mature, I find that maturity is hard to achieve with a random sense of humor... "Does anyone think this is funny? Can I stop now?"

In my search for a pencil sharp enough that will make this paper bleed as I have... that will make this page bruise and wish itself to be burned or crumpled up and thrown away...forgotten...just for now anyway...I always press down too hard... and the paper always laughs...

In the impossible feat of appearing graceful, I get more laughter than applause. It's hard to appreciate the intricacy of a screw up...

It's hard...




Off topic...today will be depressing...Could have been seeing Taking Back Sunday and Jimmy Eat World in Atlanta...aghhhhhh...Last soccer game too. We gotta beat HA.
Come support us if you can...I would love to see your faces...


Good Providence

New Profile Pictures! It's so exciting that you can't breathe... 

The Perfect Human- (read this please!)

A few years ago, a short film named The Perfect Human was written and directed by a man named Jorgen Leth and starred a man named Claus Nissen. It is an extraordinary piece of film and captures our human fallenness in a breathtaking way. If you can find the original I seriously reccomend it. Anyway, tonight I was watching the Sundance channel (if you don't have this hurry and order it from your cable or satellite provider) called The Five Obstructions. The film is about a fellow short film maker who has long loved Leth's work... especially The Perfect Human. Sadly in recent years Leth had fallen into a state of depression in his home in Hati from long hidding behind his films in which he has ultimate control- unlike the world around him. (I can relate...)To help his beloved mentor out of this state, the young film maker begins to try to help Leth.
To do so, he takes Leth's film The Perfect Human and instructs him to refilm it putting a series of Obstructions on the director. These Obstructions took place over five meetings. The director would present the new product created from rearranging the elements given to him and the young director would critique and give new obstructions and Leth would refilm. Here is a summary of the meetings.

Two directors watch original film and the younger gives these obstructions:

Obstruction 1:
-12 Frames long
-answer questions asked in the narration
-Film in Cuba
- no set

Leth refilms a jumpy film due to the 12 frames limit. Leth leaves out a part of the original depicting how the perfect human eats a meal.New vision is still stunning regardless of the limitations. Tells him that the distance between the perfect human and the unperfect is too vast.
New obstructions:

Obstruction 2:
-Film in a miserable place.
-Do not show the place on film but keep the feeling of the nearness of the miserable through the mood. Create miserable without seeing it.
-Jorgen Leth is the actor portraying the perfect human.
-Put meal back in.

Leth refilms in Bombay where he had seen a horrible event take place years ago. He films it in front of the starving people of the city and instead of blocking them out completely puts up a transparent, but visable, barrier between his acting and those behind him. A great idea right? Beautiful film making in action. But, this breaks the rule set of not being able to see the miserable place. So...

Obstruction 3:
Complete freedom to refilm the film in any way he wants a The Perfect Human : 2002 version or for Leth to go back to Bombay.

Leth chooses the first option and rewrites most of the narration and the film has a very modern view. This was probably my favorite version because there was alot of poetry about the way it was shot. Alot of symbolism in the way that the screen was divided the entire shoot and how we would see action on one side of the screen and a symbol for that action on the other. Example: A beautiful girl with an innocent smile and a black dress lying on a bed of white sheets already made on the left side of the screen and a pistol lying on a table on the right side. Awesome. But the young director doesn't feel Leth has really challenged himself yet, and since that is the goal of this whole thing puts another obstruction on Leth and probably the hardest:

Obstruction 4:
-Make the film a cartoon

Leth goes to a cartoonist and makes a drawn live action cartoon. You know one of those cartoons that look as if a film was made and scanned into a computer and the computer animated another film? Anyway, despite his contempt for cartoons, Leth turns out to be very pleased with this version and presents it to the young director. He views the film and makes one last obstruction.

Obstruction 5:
-All of the footage compiled over this test of Leth's genious and hope to cure him will be complied for one last film which will credit Leth as the director and feature him reading a letter that the young director has written from Leth to the young director himself. (Putting words in Leth's mouth... brilliance.)


Finally,Leth agrees and the final piece is a beautiful work with Leth's name on it of how happy Leth really is and is proof that Leth can function without having control....


Aren't we all older film directors hiding behind our so-called masterpieces?


Don't we all know and resent this young film maker who couldn't possibly understand what it's like living under his impossible Obstructions?


How happy are you?


Can't we all make this film?



I think we already are....



Good Providence

I Really Can't Wait til Tuesday's Over

Hey Everyone. Hope your day was blessed, here's the jist of mine.

I woke up around 9 to be at the soccer field at school at 10 to play a really good soccer team at 11. We lost 7-3. But I did hit a guy really hard and he missed the half of the first period and all of the second. HAHA I also got a yellow card! MY first one!!! Then I went to lunch. Then I came back at 3 and watched the girls win thier second game in a shootout! Rebecca Dowd is now my role model. (Even if you are really mean to me. Just kidding Becca.) Then I played another game against the same team. We lost 4-1. Aghhh. So I did the soccer thing WAYYYY too much today. Wayyyyy too much. Oh yeah, we have a game against Houston Academy Monday and another against them Tuesday. They're awesome too. Tuesday will be our last game so...now you get the title.

Then, I went to band practice and our friends came by and sat in on it. You guys are awesome to spend your night listening to unorganization....

So then I came home.

Then I ate.

Now I'm here.

Well, spose I should go to bed. Oh yeah, Jesi, if you're reading this, we have a mutual person we know besides Chris. A guy at my church, Mr. Bo Cheshire knows your mom and in a very weird conversation, he mentioned you. Haha. Just thought that was funny. Leave more comments Jesi!

Anyway, I'll quit bugging you all. If it's late when you're reading this, go to bed and get some sleep! If it's early.... go drink some water...eight glasses a day takes discipline.

Til Tomorrow
Good Providence

Epitome of a Constant State of Confusion: Episode 4

Greetings to you on this lovely morning of April 23! It's about 1:14 in the am and I was just pulled over by the fuzz on my way home from Headland... I know what you're thinking..."Well, I didn't know Wayne drove recklessly." Wrong, I was actually doing 40 in a 65 and was stopped for my tag light being out. So no ticket but a really nice deputy instead. The most interesting part of the stop was when I was asked if I had any weapons or drugs in the car. You can be assured that there were plenty...

Anyway, the last piece to Epitome...(tear)...

The Epitome of a Constant State of Confusion

Part 4


And what to say about this car wreck called love?
Did you really see it happen?
Or is your heart still in your chest?

Chances are, your eyes were closed
And all you felt was the breeze of chaos
As the air broke you in half.
Invisible but sharp.
It broke you while it passed.

The things that cloud our eyes sometimes,
are the clearest things we see.

I think we want too much right now.
Remember not to breathe.


So this is how it always feels
when we don't get what we always wanted.
I really thought it was a need.

(Nothing's ever free.)

I'm finally up and off my knees...
stumbling; but reassured.

Are you coming?

Oh...
Right.

It's just,....

You used to walk really close to me.


Well, there you have it folks! Epitome is now complete and I welcome your comments! They are greatly appreciated!

Oh yeah! I saw the remake of The Ammityville Horror tonight....scary stuff. No joke. Freaked me out real good. It was very well done and the guy who played Van Wilder starred in it and was an awesome psychopath! Seriously, he acts well in this movie! Reccomended for a fun watch.

Anyway, soccer games at eleven and 4 today, then band practice! Fun times! Full day!

Good Providence

Hometown Letdown

Everyone...hope this post finds you all well.

Interesting and funny note today. This morning as I sat drinking my milk before speeding off to school, I checked out a book that happened to be in the living room on the chair I sit in occasionally. So I picked it up and checked out the cover summary...

The book is Hometown Legend, by Jerry B. Jenkins. (YAY! LEFT BEHIND! REMEMBER?!) Anywho, apparently the book is about a little town in our own Alabama by the name of Athens City, who has fallen on hard times. Coincidently they also really like football. But the football team also happens to be sucking at the moment as well. So, what next? How bout a coach who left some time ago after a tragedy after a game, comes back to town to save the fledgling footabll team and thus the entire town itself!??? Awesome huh? Get this...the team happens to be named, the Crusaders. Wow. Probably the biggest pile of cliche I've seen in a while. I guess that's why they made a horrible movie about it too...Ahh Christian Fiction.

It doesn't end there...

After reading a list of the characters (all on the inside cover) and how the momentous season impacts their hope and faith (it did say that) there was a quote:

"His characters have flaws. Their lives are not easy. Yet they show resourcefulness that serves as an inspiration. Readin HOMETOWN LEGEND is like listening to a good country song."
Ivan Maisel, Sports Illustrated

That's right, this book is so good that it got reviewed by a... sports magazine... ughhh.

Inspiration. That's what the entire world of Christian Fiction has turned into. A genre of inspiration. A genre of "moving on" or "help to scrape by". This is not good. It should be a genre of transformation. Not "Wow. That really helps me be me, better in this awful situation." How about a book that makes us go, "I'm going about this whole thing wrong and this story really made me understand things alot better. It's like the situation was a dark closet, and now it's a well lit hallway. I was just insisting on opening the broom closet and maybe lighting a match instead opening the door to the outside, where the garden is located." We're settling for a match in the broom closet where there is no room to grow or transform. We should search for the garden where we can be inspired by all the other growing and transforming things around us.

Well, at least he said it was like a good country song. Is this really the quote that an author wants to make his book look attractive?

Stay tuned for the last installment of Epitome tomorrow.
Good Providence

Jerry "Hometown Legend" Jenkins 

The Epitome of a Constant State of Confusion: Episode 3

Hey guys. Hope this post finds you all well. Shout out to Brianna and Nichole tonight for thier softball win at Westgate! You girls rocked the house!

Well, I promised the next installment to the poem so...here it is!!!

The Epitome of a Constant State of Confusion

Part 3

Wait...

Now I want your honest opinion.
(honest)
Do you really think we're almost there?
'Cause you never said you saw a light.
Or maybe you did...
(I probably wasn't listening...)

No...

I was...
you didn't say it.
'Cause no one ever talks about the light.
(Even when it's all around them.)

We have this school-boy infatuation with dark.
We see sun's setting as a cloak.
But that cloak gets hot...
So, you pray and pray for light.

(GOD! PLEASE! SHOW ME THE LIGHT!)

hahaha

When all along... you deserve neither.

So Get Mad!
Kick and scream!
Act like it's killing you to be here.
"If we could only just..."
"If they would only let us just..."

Grow up.


Well, there you have it. That's part three. Hope this is still to you guys' liking. Thanks again for stopping by. Cruise in 16 days!!!!

Is It Really Almost Over?

Just finished my thesis speech today. Thanks to everyone that attended. Especially my Fiddler fam. It meant a ton to me for you all to be there to support me. Trust me if I can make it back, I'll be there for at least some of yours. Thanks to everyone else for not falling asleep during it as well...

It dawned upon me today that I am in the home stretch of my education in high school. The home stretch of my youth. Aghhh. I'll be far from home soon.

Thanks for everyone who continues to come by and see the poem. I'm glad it's striking a chord with you guys.

This is kind of a short blog for me today, but I do want to tell you guys that I have the urge to remind you that God is in control of your lives. I don't know what everyone may be going through, but I have this urge to tell you guys that. He loves you and has only the best in store.

Anyway,
Stay tuned for the continuation of Epitome tomorrow.

Good Providence

AAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!

Writers may be the most tormented people on earth. By themselves and their hearts and by those who happen to be evesdropping on the aforementioned conversation.
-Wayne
Keep your head up Michael.

EVERYONE!!
GO BUY HIDDEN IN PLAIN VIEW'S NEW DISC: LIFE IN DREAMING!

The Epitome of a Constant State of Confusion: Episode 2

Hey everyone! Just got back from losing a soccer game in Mobile 2-0. Oh well. The soccer trips are always fun... shout out to my boy Tanner for that. Also it's 12:41 as I write and oh yeah! I have a dissertation to give tomorrow on my Senior Thesis! FUN TIMES! Well, I guess one little blog couldn't hurt. Here's the continuation to the poem...

The Epitome of a Constant State of Confusion

Part 2

So,...
This bomb.
Ticking like my nervous drumming fingers.
I'm waiting on your next decision.
(and?)

Which wire will it be?

Red?
Black?
Blue?

(the colors of a teenage heart)

Why not all three?...
Just get it over with.

(Either way...)

We're devastated.

Is it ever worth it?
To swim against the currents.
But people will always make waves...
and oh, my dear...my darling...
So will we.

If you can taste the salt,
Kick your legs a little faster, move your arms!!!
For God's sake
(If not... who else's?)

Do...
Something.
Anything... ...Never Mind.

3 fingers in the air; the sea becomes your home.

But drowning is the least of my worries.
It's this de-clostrophobia.
(Somebody crowd around! Don't give me any air!
I wanna share this....)
If we rub shoulders...
I promise...
I won't make a big deal but...

(Just don't act like it didn't happen.)

Well, theres part 2. Once again fill up those comment spaces! Thanks for coming by today!

Good Providence

Entering the Worship Circle

Hey everyone! Glad that some of you got to see the poem and are looking forward to the continuation. Hopefully it will be easy to relate to....oh yeah and thanks for the spell check to whoever that was. EPITOME....

Real quick note too... would it be a bother for you guys to leave your name with your comments. It's okay if you don't want to, but it would help me because I would really like to know who I'm communicating with. Just a thought. But thanks for weveryone who has made it a habit to come by!

Right now, I'm listening to one of the best cds I own. It's the collaborating effort fo two groups: 100 Portraits and Waterdeep. The title of the disc is Enter the Worship Circle and is a record of 14 worship songs. These are my favorite of all the worship songs I have heard, and as a worship leader, use them frequently. They are seriously some very beautiful songs. I highly reccomend the record to you all and if you have some extra cash, go to your local Christain bookstore,( here in Dothan, I believe Dove has it) and pick it up. You won't be dissappointed.

Got a cool little thought from my youth pastor tonight. He referred to most kids in our generation as a Y.U.C.K. Which is a Young Unmotivated Christian Kid. He attributed this to our view of everything having to do with religion and church as the same old thing. So what can youth pastors do to motivate these YUCKS? That was really waht his lesson was on, but it got me to thinking about how right he really is. If I were to look at most of my youth group and myself sometimes, I'd definately have to call me and them a YUCK. I think the answer to the motivation problem is COMMUNITY. Talking to one another. Laughing with one another. Crying with one another. Feasting with one another. (Even if it is pizza or chicken wings and french fries.) At the end of all of this will no doubt come, loving one another. An amazing picture of this yet again comes from my Fiddler family. We all met at our mall Friday and ate together. All forty of us and the adults who helped. It was so cool to see all ten or so tables connected all the way throughout the food court with forty kids all talking and laughing with one another. But most importantly listening to one another, which seems to me to be what everyone doesn't really get as the key to community. I think we get it becuase Fiddler was about community and love in a community of believers and that the production brought us together in our struggle to make it happen. But I think others don't get it because they have never had to deal with it face to face. I believe to solve the problem of community among our youth, we must acquaint them with communication. This is the one thing that literally breaks down all barriers and really is the veins, arteries, blood, and really the heart of the body of Christ.

Fiddler fam...you never cease to amaze and delight me. I'm sure God agrees.

Well, hope to continue the poem tomorrow. Stay tuned.
Good Providence

The Epitome of a Constant State of Confusion: Episode I

Hey everyone! Well, I didn't get home til 8:30 this morning from the after-prom festivities. It was a blast and I'll never forget it. (In a good way too!) For everyone who read that we got use Dashboard as lead out material, we didn't. It got cut for being in "bad taste". Though I even let another teacher listen to it and he found nothing wrong with it. Once again, the artist lies victim to the murderous interpretation of others...aghhh. So they used Kelly Clarkson instead...oh well. Anyway, prom was still a blast and my date Brianna made it even more of a blast. Brianna: If you're reading this, thanks for going with me and making this my favorite dance I have ever gone to. You rock....)
So now that you're filled in on prom...

I have been wanting to do this series for a while. I am going to be posting several pieces of this larger poem I wrote about high school over a period of time in the coming posts. There will probably be different posts in between the series so it might be an every other day thing...who knows...just keep checking for the continuation. Here's the first piece.

The Epitome of a Constant State of Confusion

Part 1

Four of the best years of your
...............Life?................. ...
Including when you felt most left out.
It's never okay
"Are you ever okay?"...
(that's funny)
...I'm thinking that it's only my head, but...
Sometimes....
I'd rather be dead.
(please)

I'M NEVER THIS SCARED!!!!!

Look... look what has happened to our "luck".

Be prepared...
Or somewhere near it.
Too much pain for no one to hear it...
I'm Losing You...
(You know?)
Keep Whispering
(I'm Begging You)
Bled dry of any emotion.
Can't you tell?
I DON'T WANT YOUR HELP!?!!!


Well...
(I don't) so leave.

Don't listen to me.
(i'm begging you)



Well, there's part 1 for you all. Comments appreciated.
Stay tuned.
Til Tomorrow,
Good Providence

Prom Night....3:57 a.m.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! It's almost four in the morning and I'm not even thinkning about sleep! I just got done playin an awesome game of Twister with my date and beofre that I think the four peeps who were playing set a record for longest twister game ever! Good Times. Well just thought I'd say hi and show everyone what they have to look forward to . See ya!

Emo/Prommy Stuff!

Hey everyone! Thought I'd give everyone a break from the poems and just say hi to everyone and fill you all in on what's going on in my life.

First, the week started off really bad mainly due to the fact that the cast and crew of Fiddler and I had to take the set down and realize that we were never doing the play again. Fun times. Then later that week I found out that one of my good friends was not going to be allowed to graduate at Providence with the rest of us due to a discrepency over his grades last year. Really long story that doesn't add up very well, but he's having to leave the school so he can graduate somewhere else and he doesn't get to go on our senior cruise with us. It sucks and isn't right. That's all I'll say, cause I never know who's reading this thing and my diploma is in jeopardy if I make someone mad.....Committees......

Anyway, highlights tomorrow though. I get to go eat lunch with my Fiddler fam so that will be awesome. Then later that night.....

SENIOR PROM BABY!!!!

Should be a pretty fun time. And as I'm writing this, I'm listening to Dashboard Confessional and really feeling sad about this whole growing up thing. This is cool though, I got it so our lead out tomorrow will be to The Swiss Army Romance. Should be really fitting. I think anyway. Thought I'd give you a list of some really Prommy songs:

1. Hands Down- Dashboard
2.The Swiss Army Romance- Dashboard
3.Work- Jimmy Eat World
4. Ocean Avenue- Yellowcard
5.Cavanugh Park- Something Corporate
6.Seventy times 7- Brand New
7. Cute Without the E(cut from the team)- Taking Back Sunday
8.Soco Amertto Lime- Brand New
9....slowdance on the inside- Taking Back Sunday
10.Unchained Melody- The Righteous Brothers
11. So Impossible- Dashboard
12.Say It Aint So- Weezer
13. I had the Time of My Life- hahah don't know 14.Carry This Picture- Dashboard

Okay, that's all I could think of. Please feel free to add to my list with your thoughts of more Prommy Songs!
(Apologies for the bias to Dashboard but I'm kind of in love with the band.)

Well, tomorrow, if I'm not partying my eyes out after prom...MOONWALKS!... I plan to start a series comprised of pieces of a larger poem I wrote about high school, so look for that!

Hopefully me and Nick (drummer) Robby (bass) and Joe (lead guitar) will get to practice our emo set this saturday. Should be fun. Can't wait to sing a little My Chemical Romance!

Til Tomorrow,
Stay EMO!
Good Providence

Untitled Frustration 1

Join the party!
We're all living like saints.
Hiding in our tents
Reckless tongues filled with poison spit,
we drool with a look in our eyes that screams,

"YEAH! I MEANT IT!!!"

Worse than a kid with our fingers crossed......

We'll kill.

And whisper...

sorry.

We'll think we stand forgiven as soon as that check comes in on time.
And when the mail arrives late that day,
we're on our knees confessing and seeking light.
(Were your eyes closed?)

We think we have a clue of love while...
we live between car payments.
We're drowning in a pool of our own exaggeration.
We build towering pedastals.
(But we're scared to death of heights.)
And the poor slob who dropped his books during church?

He needs to take his noise outside.

Either that or...

We'll make him wanna die with these...
stabbing
(staring?)
butterknife eyes...
(dulled... but makes the whole ordeal seem a bit longer...)

Our clothes are soaked in blood.
But we overlook the gross amount that stains our hands and wonder where it came from.

We eat with these hands.
We drink with these hands.
Pray...
Partake...
Feed our children with....
(Nauseous yet?)

These Hands....

With their ancy fingers ready to point.
That pointed at a motionless tree...
"Did it move?"
"I couldn't tell, but I did feel a breeze."

Are our eyes playing tricks on us?
Is bliss just a mirage...
Maybe we should drink some water...
dig the fountain out of the garage.

Meanwhile...
we stay stuck up.
Hide behind our denomination.
Our ears hear what we think sounds right when we focus on our doctrine,
and we shut out those that disagree,
call 'em heretics; we often,
argue them all down til we think they'll finally break,
but they know that they're right too,
so what's the point?
Argument's sake?

But I fear without these arguments the two sides would never meet.
It's this disagreement that keeps them together at all,
This isn't the way that it should be.
But then again,
we weren't supposed to fall.

So we yell until our throats get sore
and scare passers-by away.

So you seemed the most right of the two today,
but...
what about the one that got away?

It looks as if...



The faith we have has nothing to do with the body we have around us.



No one seems to care anymore about strengh in numbers so...
we just wander.
Place to place.
Altar to altar.
Looking for the one that doesn't tick us off.
We think nothing of fellowship,
and community is just too weird.
"I hardly even know him...and what's with that guys beard?"

So whispers dominate the land that should be lorded by greeting one another with a kiss.
And rumors disentegrate whatever bond we never knew to miss.
The hallways of our temples are flooded with fake smiles.
"Did you see that? I said hello and she only stopped for... a while."
The contempt we have for one another is bound to do us in.
And all these lies we think we know are nothing short of sin.
Why bother coming in?

I've walked in coffee houses with warmer welcomes than this place.
At least I know that when I'm there people look me in the face.

But now I've started complaing and have gotten off my point.

You can't continue without each other and expect to be okay.

There's no ending to this kind of thing and that's not going to end to day,
so don't expect to expect the end and

(this isn't worth a rhyme)




Good Providence

Disclaimer

Apparently, there has been call here at home to clarify a few things in my poems. The poems that appear on this site are all from the deepest depths of my heart and are derived from a number of sources and at this point in my life cannot be attributed to any one person and or event. Also, in no way do any of my poems allude to any kind of sexual activity. There's definately a little bitterness in my poems, but I do realize these are people with feelings and would not go there in fear of hurting them. Also, I've never even encountered that in the relationships I have had and don't plan to until I marry the love of my life and would still keep that kind of thing between me and her. So everyone get your minds out of the gutter. To those who think the poems are about them (even though you'll probably never be at this site again to read this) I can't control how people interpret my words. This will not keep me from writing them and I'm sorry. This is my biggest passion right now and alot of these poems are written for the intent of self interpretation; to be able to apply to the reader's own life so that they may leave the poem transformed and seeing the world differently and maybe not feeling so alone in whatever situation they are encountering. Once again, I'm sorry if these poems have caused any kind of annything negative. They are meant solely for the positive. Thanks and keep loving the beautiful.

Being a Stone

Hey everyone! With all the Fiddler Memories going around I decided to remind everyone involved of an important one and to give everyone who wasn't a cool thought.

On Saturday afternoon around1:37, the entire cast and I sat in Adams Hall at Troy University Dothan, preparing for our third and next to last performance. Soon, we would be quieted by Mr. Wilson, our director, for a little devotion before the show. Today he had selected a passage from Joshua 4 to concentrate on. Joshua 4 picks up in the story of Joshua and the Isreaelites crossing the Jordan. After a miraculous heaping up of the fast flowing waters of the Jordan, the entire nation of Israel crossed to the other bank of the river. Afterwards the Lord calls the Israelites to find 12 stones representing each of the 12 tribes of Israel and set up an altar to monument the miracle that had taken place. Mr. Wilson read us this and then related this to the task before us. He told us to make this and the following performance an altar to the miracle that God had worked in us as a cast. Roughly 50 teens came together as one over the course of 3 months and had grown to be a tight family. Not only this but while growing together we had become better actors, singers, and yes, dancers. Well, some of us better dancers.... So with this in mind, we put on the two best shows of the run and enjoyed every minute as if it was the last. We did everything to the glory of God.

After thinking on this in my own quiet times, I see it as what can be accomlished when we live life as a stone. As parts of a whole in an altar to what the Lord has done in our lives. We should see every day as another chance to praise God and bring Him glory for the last. Even when we don't understand what these days bring us, especially the rainy days, and the days where everyone seems to just be trying to tick us off, we should thank God for the chance to see them. Man, has this tendency to act as a baby being fed baby food; turning his head away from the spoon, spitting the slime back in their mother or father's face, no t realizing that this horrible taste is making them stronger. But unlike this baby we should know that these things are making us stronger and better in the end. With these things in mind, pray that the Lord uses you as a stone for His altar. It is when I am aware of the Lord's use of me in this way, that I find I am at my happiest.

Thanks Mr. Wilson for planting this seed. Your tears that afternoon sparked a few in my eyes. That moment was when I realized that this play was probably one of the most significant moments in my life as a Christian.

Thanks again to my Fiddler Fam for all the memories and love.

Til Tomorrow,
Good Providence

Two Posts? And In One Day? This Guy Has Way Too Much Time on His Hands Without That Play...

Here's the poem I promised a few posts back... sorry for the delay.



The Smooth of Your Exposure

She said...
" I've got this picture of myself
and I think I want you to have it."
as we stood outside her room.
"My eyes are half closed (or open), and I've got this dumb grin...
but I want you to know this side of me....
So I can feel worth a thousand one words."
...and like I would know how to start...

I parted my lips and a laugh rolled off my tongue.
My eyes searched the room like a bullet in ricochet...
and found no target to drown in.
(So shoot me.)
So I placed her hair back where she had intended a couple of hours ago.
(before I arrived and made a mess of things.)
and softly kissed her brow.

Her eyes left mine and plunged to the ground,
but softly retraced their steps.
I shrugged my shoulders, shook my head yes, then glance at the glossy shape in her hand.
but she threw her grip behind her back...
"Not right now. I'm gonna slide it in your coat's breast pocket.
At least then I will know I got close."

Is vision always this terrifying?
Is make-up really that good of a liar?
Can we ever believe in our own sense of love?
I promise...
I swear...
I'd die just to...

"NO PEEKING!"
That's the quickest way to killing this...

So she grabbed my hand
and led me back down some stairs that I don't remember climbing.
(and I'm surprised I'm drawing a blank. Cause these stairs were steep...
and I never forget heights.)
And as we walked...
each of the steps in their education of the thousands fo steps they have felt,
creaked with a scream that beckoned my ears:
"She steps softly now, and with a self-convinced confidence,
but just wait til the lights go out."
...Cause man...that's when we all fall down.

Tired of seeing the back of her head,
I started racing her down her home flight.
I was quick,
But she was quicker,
All I wanted was a tie.

Accepting my defeat.................

I tried to say I'm sorry.
"Let's never run that fast again okay?"
Hurt by my competitive nature, she looked away.

So we stood in silence; felt like now we could see it all coming.
Until our line of vision blurred with the invisible.
She finally turned and looked at me and tried to say the words...
...But she knew better...

Walking to my car I searched my pockets for my keys.
Halfway through the right-hand side I remembered,
"Oh yeah. They're in your jeans."

But that's when I felt the smooth, the shine, the innocence of your exposure.

Your awkward little picture placed in a contradicting place.

Good Providence

I really regret putting this up... 

Me in the Tevye hat! Thanks Rachel! 

Wayne is a big fat jerk...

Hey everyone! I'm having lunch right now at school and feel like I haven't given the proper love to my fellow Fiddler-ites. These are the peeps that slowly became my family over the past three months but moreso over the past two weeks. I love each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart and thank you for every ounce of encouargement that you gave me throughout the play. Here are some particular thank you's:

This first one has no number...Mrs. Brolund...thank you for every bit of belief in me that you have had since you have known me. You make me feel so talented when I know that I am only blessed. Thanks for putting up with me and for putting me together costume wise for the past to shows and making sure my characters came to life. Without you Tevye and Proctor would not have been. I dedicate my performance in Fiddler to you Mrs. Brolund. Love ya.

1.Thanks to everyone for making me feel cool while I looked like a fool on stage during Rich Man. I could do that dance every day as long as you guys are in the wings.
2.Thanks to everyone for reminding me what real Christian community and fellowship feels like.
3.Thanks to Mr. Wilson for being the brother in Christ that I haven't had since Brad Williams left. Love ya man.
4.Thanks to Chris and Michael for being freakshly emo with me. " On the way home. This car hears my conf..."
5. Thanks to Becca for putting me in my place time and time again during the production...Meanie.
6. Thanks to Lauren H. for being fun to be around all the time and making me feel uncomfortable when you stared at me at Steak and Shake. You Rock! Your voice is fantastic!
7. Thanks to Macy for being mean with me at Ann Varnum.
8. Thanks to Deanna for making me cry during the Train Scene. You are an awesome actress!
9.Thanks to Luv and Katie for having conversation with me. You guys don't go unnoticed.
10. Thanks to Jenny for being the youngest but most mature at play practice. Seriously...
11.Thanks to Robby for being the best Motel that he could be. I loved your facial hair buddy!
12.Thanks to Alyssa for making the whole beard thing happen night after night and for the awesome hugs and back rubs before I went on!
13. Thanks to Catfish for making L'Chaim the most fun part of the play for me.
14. Thanks to Emily O. for saying "good job" every time I came off stage.
15. Thanks to Rachel C. for smiling at me.
16.Thanks to Tyler D. for having the conversations I couldn't have with the rest of the cast. Your dad's a legend bro!
17. Thanks to Hunter for just being a good guy. Seriously. You're one of the nicest people I know man.
18.Thanks to Jordan for being the freakin man. You're a machine dude. You've just got this awesome air about you man!
19.Thanks to Katie for being an awesome Golde!
20.HAHAHA. Thanks to Gabby for scaring the living crap out of me opening night! I had no idea that you were going to be dressed like that! Also, yov've got so much potential to be something really great one day! Keep acting! I don't know how to do the little fingers to the temples thing with the click sound effect in words, but you get the picture.
21. Thanks to Alex, Michael and the rest of the dead villagers in the dream scene for making it easy to look frightened. Those grimaces!
22. Thanks to Shaun for making me laugh at the cast party. "Are those medals?"
23. Thanks to Smurf for playing classical first year piano Saturday.
24.Thanks to Drew for being literally the best Russian of them all. "ZAAAAAAAAAA...va...."
25. Thanks to Mr. Buie for taking awesome pictures.
26. Thanks to Mr. Scott for making us look good in the program.
27.Thanks to Ariel for discussing Dante.
28. Thanks to Karis for making me laugh histerically during the first dress rehearsal at Troy. "Barbeque!"
29.Thanks to Danielle for keeping everything held down backstage and for hugs.
30. Thanks to Wil for making sure that awful 'hale of bay' got onstage almost every time!
31.Thanks to Richie for being Richie and for helping me with my cart! I love you Richie! " I smell peanuts..."
32.Thanks to Mason for opening the curtains and for being a prop Nazi.
33. Thanks to Morgan for feeding us lines and for your sheer willingness to help us out.
34.Thanks to Josiah for being the best Rabbi ever! "Weeeell, it's not exactly forbidden..."
35. Thanks to Brian for rocking the part of Perchik. You seriously did an awesome job. "Wayne's about to blow this out of the water....Line."
36. Thanks to Mrs. Wilson for hugging me every time she sees me. You are awesome.
37. Thanks to Karis' mom for gettting me that bottle of water.
38.Thanks to Mrs. Greiner for teaching me how to dance.
39. Thanks to Asher and Tyce for being the most professional kids I have ever seen. hahaha.
40. Thanks to Rachel Blackmon for her "super cute" hat. Tevye would not have been Tevye without it.
41. Thanks to Anna, Hannah, for being awesome canopy holders.
42. Aggghhhh. I can't believe I got this far without mention you! Allden you made me laugh so many times! You were breathtaking as Yente and no one on earth could do the part better. I mean it. Right? Of course Right.
43. Thanks to Lauren Thomas for beating that thick southern accent for Fiddler. "Shiandayell!"
44. Thanks to Jacy for having a smile on her face every time I saw her. I can't say that about too many people.
45. Thanks to Samuel M. for being down to earth. You are very intelligent and talented in art and a very calm and cool guy to talk with.
46. Thanks to Christina M. for giving herself completley to the production. Your dedication was awesome to behold.
47. Thanks to Savanna for putting make up on a bunch of psychos every day. You rock!

Okay...I don't know if that's everyone...but I tried. I LOVE YOU GUYS SOO MUCH! Thanks for everything that you have given me: Laughter, smiles when I was stressed, and most of all a huge new family of brothers and sisters that I can come home to from college. It's going to be weird not doing another show with you guys next year, but hey, life goes on. Thanks again from the bottom of my heart.

Economics beckons....
Good Providence

American History X

Agggggghhhhh! Last night I saw one of the most visually stunning films I have ever had the pleasure of laying my eyes on. Seriously. I was so captivated by this film that I stayed awake from the hours of 3a.m. to 5.a.m. to watch it. (More on why I was up that late in a bit.) American History X stars Edward Norton and is a film that is basicly about a neo-nazi youth growing up in Venice Beach, CA in the early nineties around the time of the Rodney King incident and trial. To keep the plot rather vague this youth played by Edward Norton loses his identity to his cause when he starts to rally together other youths that feel the same hostility towards the various races in the area. He is sent to prison for man-slaughter, is reformed while there, and when he is free after three years (sweet), attempts to enlighten his brother, who is following in Norton's footsteps, of the error in his ways. The reformation and move to a new way of life in Norton's character, who's highlight in life up to this point has been his curb-kicking of a young gang member, is breathtaking. (There's a beautiful baptism scene and everything!) He is moving on to the new life and leaving the old one behind. The crazy thing is that the fact that the old life still exists is all his fault. He started it for many more youths and wishes to keep his loved ones from it now that he can. But now to all of his old friends shock and disgust, he's dropping it because he was wrong. That's it. He was wrong about everything. His sin was nothing more than him handling a situation in the wrong way. Which leads to the next point. The main push behind the whole thing seemed to be rage and what, when pent up, our rage causes us to do. There is one scene, in which when in prison, Norton is forced to work alongside a black man every day. The job is sorting laundry.At first no real discussion goes on between the two. The black guy talks and Norton just shakes his head. But one day, Norton begins to go crazy over the amount of bedsheets he has before him to sort and begins throwing them in every direction in a fit. The black guy calmly says something to the effect of it doesn't matter how fast or hard you go through those sheets, there's always going to be more to sort. The scene is done in black and white and is really probably the turning point in Norton's reformation which comes after a scene in which he is raped by other neo-nazis. If I could sum up the movie's messsage in one line it would have to be: "Have all the things that you've done up to this point in your life made it any better?" If nothing else, it's a great film concerning the issue of hate and how it's really all our problem. We all call this little slice of land home, while it doesn't really belong to any of us. Overall a great movie and one of the most beautiful movies I have seen. It's no Punch Drunk Love, but fantastic nonetheless. Even if the movie doesn't meet your liking, you can't help but be aware of Norton's extreme talent. In the scene of the curb-kicking, the look on his face sent chill bumps through my body. Probably his best work to date. Glad that I caught it finally.
Now to why I was up at 3...
We finally finished out last perforamance on Fiddler last night. To my surprise, we were a hit. People seemed to love the show and it's what everyone's talking about soooo.... God blesses the unworthy once again. This show's coming together was one of the most evident displays of God's grace and faithfulness I have ever seen... at a time where I really needed to see it. This is definately a praise to Him and his abounding mercies. He has made Providence Christian School Theater into an altar at which He recieves glory. We are a grateful medium. If anyone is reading this blog that attended the performance, thank you from the bottom of my heart for supporting us. You gave me so much encouragement in your viewing that I think that I could get used to this acting thing. Anyway, thank you again you have no idea how much your support meant to us all. So I got home from the most fun cast party I have ever been to (sorry Mr. Smith, but he gave us actual medals for being in the play!) around 2:30 and saw the movie on the Independent Film Channel or IFC. Which by the way, if you don't have, please call your local satellite or cable provider. Fantastic network. So that's why caught the flick at 3....I'm kinda depressed now that it's over. The cast actually became a family. Weirdest thing....sad to leave PCS theater at this point. At least I'm doing it with a bang. Good way to go.
Good Providence

I'm Not Used to Using the Bathroom This Much

Got a break at school and decided to update. I've been drinking water like crazy over the past few days.(Hence the tactful title...Alliteration!) Picked up a sinus infection friday and the meds make me mad-thirsty. Plus I'm having to keep my throat wet for all the singing I do in Fiddler on the Roof. Yeah this whole me sick and with no voice thing and the fact that I'm the lead, has kinda been a scary to uh...let's see...everyone in the play. SO yeah. Another thing that's not cool about this whole me sick thing is that I had to spend 4 dollars at Wal*Mart this morning on cough drops to soothe my throat and clear it of the gunk clogging it. GUNK. That's such a disgusting word. Sorry. Oh yeah! Our first performance of Fiddler is tonight. We have one on friday night and two on saturday. So I would appreciate the prayer of anyone who sees this that I don't go hoarse in the middle of "If I Were a Rich Man." Also that this play doesn't suck because we are completely sold out of tickets! That's crazy and a first for Providence Theater. Oh yeah and if anyone wants to expand thier mind, my old teacher Mr. Smith just put up a new site that I'm incredibly stoked about:www.theeducatedimagination.blogspot.com
Okay, well now that you're filled in about all the trite things going on with me, stay tuned for some cooler stuff: I got a poem I wanna put up tomorrow so...
Good Providence
L'Chaim!

Cold Mountain

Okay okay...everyone can finally shut up. I finally watched Cold Mountain. For those of you who don't know, Cold Mountain is a feature starring Jude Law, Renee Zellwegger, and Tom Cruises ex wife ( Nichole something or other) based in Civil War North Carolina. To summarize Nicole Kidman's character, a rich and sophisticated lady who has never known the texture of dirt between her dainty pale fingers) moves from Charleston, South Carolina to the small town of Cold Mountain, North Carolina( a rough around the edges mountain town still being built up) with her reverend father who is dying and wishes to spend his last days in the fresh air of the mountains. There she meets Jude law literally a few days before he goes to war to fight a battle that he is really indifferent about...that is until he finds out that he kinda likes this new girl and would rather stay home and kiss than go off and shoot at Yankees. The movie is over the course of time where Law is gone and the course the two star crossed lovers lives take.(yeah. I said it. Star crossed.) While Law is gone Kidman ends up alone due to her father's death. Without money and a knowledge of farming things go south (haha puns.) for her so Renee Zellwegger comes out of literally no where to help her tend to a farm she knows nothing about. Okay now that you're set up... Cold Mountain turned out to be a good movie. A good LONG movie. It wasn't great, it wasn't sub-par, but it did keep me in front of my TV for three hours so... you be the judge. Jude Law, who in my opinion is a better actor than he knows he is, delivers probably the best performance you could have asked him to. Law is English and the Southern accent he prepared for this film was flawless. It wasn't cliche or stereotypical, it just was. He spends most of the movie looking for something to believe in and when he finally realizes it is Kidman, he drops everything to be with her. He literally drops everything. His gun, and his little confederate hat and everything. He deserts the army, treason. Punk right? Wrong. This is so beautiful. We have to get beyond the whole "Aww. He quit the army cause he loves her." deal and be able to see what Law communicates so well. She means more to him than love. She has become faith, love, family, hope, breath....she has become home. When he was home before she came, he wasn't home. He could've left and not thought a thing about dying or leaving his familiarity. Because that's all Cold Mountain was without her. Familiar. Though it seems cowardly, this, to me, looks so much more braver than staying. What he is doing is standing up for something this foolish war knew nothing about... home. This war destroyed everything that was home. It tore apart families, father against son, brother against brother, and drew a line through a place who claimed "In God we Trust." when they had lost the definition to the word Trust all together. His desertion truns to be much more dangerous and detrimental to his health than staying would have been. Besides the raids of men that scour the country sides looking for deserters, he meets many temptations disguising themselves with cloaks of comfort and pleasure. Home away from home. It really reminds me alot of The Odyssey in a way. One of the most striking of these temptors he meets is a reverend who has pregnated a slave girl and attempts to kill her before Law can stop him. After bringing him to his senses Law ties him up to a post in the middle of the town with his crime scribbled and nailed above his head. He reappears at a stream( awesome right? just wait..) later with alot of his hair missing. Apparently the town shaved him of his prideful curls and sent him packing. They find the stream too deep to cross and wouldn't want to swim it anyway(no baptism here) and pay a young girl to carry them across on her boat. WOW! There is soo much there that it's really hard to get to, but just see this... this preacher in one fatal swoop breaks half the commandments and is about to break more and seeks no cleansing becuase he finds himself to be a "man of God". He later leads law into many more temptations. I think this is a pretty self explanatory illustration of the church. Ponder on this: Why are the shepherds always the corrupt ones?
I won't tell you how it ends...but I will tell you I found the ending extremely fitting and well done. Law and Zellwegger deliver phenomenal performances and are supported by countless other great names. ( For instance, the guy who plays the corrupt reverend is a phenomenal actor by the name of Phillip Seymour Hoffman. I have never seem him do below extraordinary.) I would reccomend this movie if you are ready to dig for Truths. But, when you find them they are literally huge and you are glad you brought a shovel.
Good Providence.

"A Fiddler on the Roof...Sounds CRAZY no?"

Hey everyone! If you're up on your Jewish musical trivia you'll know where the quote I used for the title came from. Duh! Fiddler on the Roof. Kind of a gimmie. Anyway, our drama department at school is putting this show on this year in about a week. (By the way I play the role of Tevye. I'll let you research that on your own.) We had an eight hour practice today and four of it was technical practice...meaning I sat around for four hours as people argued over whether Act 1 Scene 7 should end in a blackout or a curtain call. Needless to say I got a little bored. Then I got a little creative...

For Roadside Assistance Call Me Back

We were driving back to my place...
And you asked to see some proof...either that or take you home.
(Just when we thought we were getting somewhere.)

All I could manage was a tighter grip on the wheel.
And when I think about how hard it was raining that night...
It's amazing that we're having this conversation...
...We are having this conversation...
(Right?)

Well...
I can't really say that I'm terribly happy that you've finally decided that when the red light goes on you can speak into the mic.

(We are soo on the air.)
And it's holding us like its children.

And as we rock......
we're feeling almost everything that they all told us
not to. We're in a sea where shame molds
(jlsdjfald) DROWNING(aaa;dfalfladsjfl)
men's faces til they're smile toothed.
But you can bet your best excuse that I'll blame this
one on the defroster.

So we're doing 85 while everyone does 60.
Our fellow travellers eye us like
certain convicts as we
move at what seems to be light speed.

(I think there's some serious discrepancy over how a safe pace really feels.)

...and all the while the consequences make us all look like pedestrians.

Oh My God!

Were we really a car wreck asking to happen?

I mean...

sure the road was wet...

and it was dark.

but.......we both know how many times I'd driven it...

In the r

a

i

n... at night?

But looking back- that's exactly how I see it all.

A hopeful guy at the wheel... and a carefl driver operating from a full seat over.

...

... We just hit 105.

I'm rolling down the window.

(Maybe the wind will make a cleaner cut.)

My eyes close.My hands leave the wheel.

( it never stabilizes.)

A smile spreads over my face like the rumor that put us here...

That was the loudest I have ever heard you scream...

Who am I kidding?

You'll Live.

Good Providence.